I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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