Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
