No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
