Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize