I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
