My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
