i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
fuck your aforementioned shoe
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
