well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
