Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
