Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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