I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
