"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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