not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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