we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
