I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
