I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
