Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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