Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
