I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
