God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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