I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
