i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i think my cat just said my name.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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