First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
