Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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