you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
