I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
