If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
