1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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