ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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