Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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