Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
