yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
