I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
its liver damage thursday
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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