i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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