I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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