im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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