Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
they're like a gay fantastic four
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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