somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
