i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
