I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
