kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
