Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
