Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
