Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
