is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
