Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
