My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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