I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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