he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
