Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize