I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My feet surprised me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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