No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
