Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
