Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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