She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
