wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
