My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
