Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
