Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
