The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
