your parents love me but you hate me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
