There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
