I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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