her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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