I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize