So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
