I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
