i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
