Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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