So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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