So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
