Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my poor anus
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
