call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
