So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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