I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
