Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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