I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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