Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
