I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
