she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
