I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
